Hellsing Holidays: Christmas
by IntelligentApples
Summary: This is what happens when Seras wants to celebebrate Christmas! Chapter six finally makes an appearance!
1. The Holidays

Disclaimer: I do not own anything remotely related to Hellsing. Also, I've revised the chapters so it should be easier to read.

Chapter 1

Seras was lying on/in her bed/coffin, her hands under her head, staring up at the ceiling when suddenly a thought came to her. She sat up, combed her fingers through her hair, and stood. She changed from her nightclothes into her uniform and made her way to her employer, Sir Integra Hellsing's office. Upon approaching the door, she hesitated, then, with renowned determination, Seras knocked on the door.  
"Enter." Came Integra's stern voice. Seras slowly opened the door and stepped in.  
"What do you want?" Integra asked, not taking her eyes off of the documents she was reading.  
"I, well, I was wondering-" Seras stuttered. For some reason, she always felt uncomfortable around Sir Integra.  
"On with it." Integra commanded.  
"I was wondering if you had a calendar." Seras finally blurted. "And if you could tell me what the date is, seeing as how I don't have a calendar in my room."  
"It is the first of December." Integra answered, still without looking up. "Is that all you wanted?"  
"Y-yes. Thank you." Seras replied, then quickly left the room. _December first. _She though to herself. _Christmas is approaching. I wonder if they celebrate it here. If not, I can still get them stuff. _She meandered back toward her room, then thought better of it. Instead she headed towards Walter's office. This time, she did not hesitate in knocking. "Come in." called Walter. Seras opened the door and walked into the room.  
"Ah, Miss Victoria, I see you have not mastered the phasing technique." Walter noted, turning in his chair.  
"No." Said Seras. "Master hasn't taught me that. But that's not what I'm here for Walter."  
"Dissatisfied with your gun?" The Hellsing retainer asked.  
"Oh, no. My gun is fine. Thank you."  
"Then what would you like of me?" Walter turned his chair to face Seras and motioned for her to sit across from him. Seras took a seat.  
"I noticed the date and I was wondering," She paused.  
"Go on." Walter coaxed.  
"Does Sir Integra celebrate Christmas?" Walter thought for a moment.  
"Eh, she used to. But when she became administrator of the Hellsing corporation, she soon discovered that, there was no time for things such as that."  
"Oh.' Said Seras slowly.  
"However," Walter began. "Things have been running a little slowly lately, I'm sure if you suggested it, she would consider."  
"Oh." Seras said again. "Well, thank you Walter." Seras stood to leave.  
"My pleasure." Walter answered stepping in front of her to open the door for her. Seras meandered back to her room to ponder her information. Things had been moving slowly, she realized. But could she, a small, unimportant part of Hellsing, suggest something her employer had given up on?

Seras finally worked up the courage to ask Integra about celebrating Christmas. It was a relatively warm evening. Integra was working in her office when a knock came at her door. "Come in." She said. The door opened and Seras walked in.  
"Do you want something?" Integra asked, looking up from her work.  
"Sir, I was wondering, it is December, after all, would it be too much trouble if I were to, decorate, maybe just the basement, for Christmas?" Seras stumbled over her words. "Why?" Integra asked bluntly.  
"Well," Seras began. "I just thought it would be fun. Since there hasn't been too much work to do, I thought it wouldn't be too much trouble and it would help everyone relax." "I don't suppose it would hurt." Integra said thoughtfully. "Go right ahead."  
"Thank you, sir." Seras said, bowing. She turned on her heal and left the office. Integra sat and pondered what might be going through the fledgling vampire's mind.

Seras went back to her room and pulled out her paychecks. _I hope this will be enough, seeing as how I haven't spent any of it… _She thought to herself. What could a vampire buy anyway? They didn't need food or anything like that. After gathering her money and her coat, she made her way outside.  
"Where are you going?" A deep voice asked from behind her.  
"Oh! Master! Where did you come from? Never mind. I'm going to the store. Would you like to come?" Alucard thought for a moment.  
"Why not?" He said finally. "It might be fun to see what humans do in their spare time." Seras had a hard time determining whether that was directed at her as an accusation, or if he really _did_ want to know, or if he was just plain bored with his life, or rather, un-life, at the moment. She dismissed her pondering and looked to her master.  
"I know I shouldn't be giving you orders, but don't let anyone see your fangs. Don't show them off like you do." Alucard acted offended.  
"Oh, why?" He asked.  
"I don't want to cause any trouble or anything like that." Seras answered. Alucard cocked his head and smiled crookedly, revealing a fang. Seras gave him her 'I'm not amused' look and said "None of that." Alucard shrugged and stepped up beside her. "Shall we go?" He asked, offering her his arm. She hesitated, then took it and they started the long walk to the city.


	2. The Store

Ok, first of all, I would like to thank Nighteyes De Dracul, HentaiChibisAttack, and Omega Z. I would also like to say that I know this fanfic is a little out of season, but I did start it before Christmas. I just didn't get the first chapter done and posted until afterwards. Omega Z, I haven't read any Christmassy fanfics, so I don't know what others have done. I hope that this reaches your expectations for uniqueness. If I write something that someone else has already done, feel free to tell me and I will be glad to come up with something different. I appreciate all of your reviews! They will keep me motivated to write faster! Anyway, I'm probably boring you so on to the next chapter!

Chapter 2

By the time they got to London it was 11 o'clock at night. But that was okay, because all of the stores Seras planned on going to were open 24 hours, or opened early in the morning. The first place they stopped at was a large grocery with Christmas trees displayed inside and outside the doors.  
"Now, do we want a real tree that we can throw out when we are done? Or a fake tree that we can use next year?" Seras asked, stopping in front of a line of trees outside the door.  
"What are you talking about?" Alucard asked. Seras didn't seem to hear him. Instead, she grabbed a cart and went into the store. Alucard followed in silence. They went through the store, occasionally stopping so that Seras could look through decorations and stuff. Seras picked out an 8-foot fake Christmas tree, a package of ordinary decorations, 2 boxes of lights, and a star to go on the top of the tree. Alucard watched all of this with mild interest. Seras was now trying desperately to decide whether she should buy the gold tinsel, or the silver. Finally, she turned to Alucard in frustration.  
"What do you think?" She asked him. Alucard started.  
"What is all this for?" He asked. She lowered the tinsel.  
"For the Christmas tree." She stated obviously.  
"Yes, and what is the tree for, Poli- er, Seras?" He started to call her by her nickname but caught himself as an old woman made her way around Seras' cart.  
"For Christmas. You, do know what Christmas is, don't you?" Alucard cocked his head at her and raised his hands in an 'I have no idea as to what your talking about' way. Seras sighed.  
"Christmas is a holiday where everyone in your family gets together and throws parties and exchange gifts and see those whom you haven't seen in a long time. It came about with the birth of Jesus and some people sing 'Happy Birthday' to Him." Alucard reclined his head and peered at her through his round glasses. He shrugged and smiled crookedly at her.  
"Whatever you say, then." He said.  
"So which do you like better?" Seras asked, holding the tinsel up again.  
"Why not use both?" Alucard asked right back. Seras paused.  
"I suppose I could." She said slowly "Though I've never seen a Christmas tree with gold _and _silver tinsel before."  
"Then it'll make it all that more interesting." Alucard reasoned.  
"Alright." Seras exclaimed happily. "Now we have to go find some refreshments." They went to the frozen foods section. A woman who worked at the store was holding a tray of small cups filled with eggnog.  
"Hello." She said to Alucard. "Would you like to try some eggnog?" Alucard looked at the liquid, then at the woman. She smiled at him encouragingly. He looked around for Seras and saw her picking up a bucket of ice cream and reading the label. He looked back at the woman.  
"Try some." She insisted. He hesitantly reached for a cup and took a sip, then proceeded to cough at the unfamiliarity of the flavor, texture, and temperature.  
"Oh! Are you okay?" The woman asked anxiously. Alucard nodded with one final cough. He studied the remaining liquid in the cup, and swallowed it in one gulp. He walked briskly toward Seras with a full cup of eggnog.  
"Police Girl I think you should buy some of this." He said, shoving the cup into her face. "What is- oh, eggnog, I suppose I could buy some."  
"You should buy lots of this." Alucard told her. "I think Walter will like it."  
"I think _you _just like it." Seras said.  
"Me? No. It's not to my taste." He turned his back to her and downed the cupful in his hand.  
"Uh-huh." Seras said, unbelieving. She pushed her cart over to the dairy section and picked up two cartons of eggnog. Alucard watched her anxiously.  
"You might want more than that." Seras turned to him. "There are a lot of people in the Hellsing house." He said, trying to sound uncaring. Seras sighed and put two more cartons into her cart.

Alucard left Seras to her wanderings and wonderings. He had to discover a way to acquire more of that eggnog. Unfortunately, the sign on the table next to the woman had specifically said "One per Customer". Suddenly, a brilliant idea struck.

Alucard approached the 'eggnog lady' cautiously. He doubted she would recognize him, but he wanted to be sure. He was wearing his normal clothing, except that instead of his normal round, orange glasses, he was wearing the fake black glasses with the nose and mustache attached and no lenses in the frames. He had also discarded his hat.  
"I believe I would like to try some of that eggnog." He told the woman.  
"Alright, here you go." She responded with a smile. Alucard walked away with a cup of eggnog.

Next, he walked up to her as himself, except for his hat or shades.  
"Here you are." The woman said, handing him a cup. He nodded to her and walked away.

Seras continued to look for more things to decorate and whatnot, then noticed that Alucard was no longer with her. She didn't worry about this too long, however, figuring he had simply gotten bored and went to amuse himself elsewhere.

Alucard made his way slowly to the 'eggnog lady', trying not to look too obvious. A hat atop his head with an attached wig. The woman handed him a cup of eggnog. "Thank you, miss." He said, drinking. He then removed the hat and bowed deeply. Noticing what he had just done, he scrambled to get the hat back onto his head and disappeared around the corner. The woman just smiled and shook her head.

Again he came. Again he was dressed as he had been every other time, but he was now wearing a turban on his head.  
"Hmmm, what is this?" He asked, meandering over to the eggnog.  
"It's eggnog." The woman said helpfully. "It's a traditional Christmas beverage."  
"Oh, very well. I think I shall try some." Alucard said, smiling at her, careful not to show too much teeth. The woman handed him a cup and he left with his prize.

One last time Alucard approached the woman. This last time he wore the same grey suit, same red tie, same red trench coat, same black boots. He did not wear his hat, and he did not wear his glasses. This time he came, he had combed his hair, had put a part down the middle. The last cup of eggnog called for him to drink it, but he resisted the urge to jump up and snatch it from its provocative perch. He carefully inspected a box of animal crackers before 'noticing' the woman with the eggnog.  
"Good evening, madam." He said politely.  
"Good evening sir." The woman replied with a smile. "Would you like to try some of this eggnog?"  
"Hmmm, I believe I might." Alucard approached the beloved cup. He picked it up slowly and took a sip.  
"This is very good." He commented, taking another sip.  
"May I ask you a question?" The woman asked.  
"You may." Alucard told her.  
"Did the store where you bought your clothes have a sale on them?" Alucard froze.  
"Why do you ask?"  
"Well, so far everyone who has come for a free sample of eggnog has worn clothes identical to yours."  
"Well, I, come to think of it, they were on sale, yes." Alucard pretended to look at a watch on his wrist. "Well, look at the time! I need to go, uh, meet someone." He left abruptly. The woman laughed quietly to herself and began filling more cups with eggnog.

Alucard found Seras in the checkout lane.  
"Oh, there you are." She exclaimed. "I was beginning to wonder." She gathered all of her bags and they left the store. They continued wandering the streets and stores of London with Alucard checking every store for free samples of eggnog while Seras looked for more decorations and supplies.

The sun was just rising over the horizon line when Seras and Alucard finished their shopping. Alucard had made sure Seras bought eggnog at every store that sold it, thus raising the number of cartons from four to thirteen saying "Are you sure you bought some?" or "There _are _a lot of people." As they left the last store, Seras realized just how much eggnog they had.  
"What is all of this!" She yelled, exasperated. "I _told _you we bought some before! Now look how much there is!" Alucard thought for a moment.  
"You know, Police Girl, you really need to work on your memory. Because you couldn't remember if you had bought eggnog or not, we now have so much that I don't know what you're going to do with it all." Seras then decided that Alucard, being the 'gentleman' should get to carry all of the bags home for her.


	3. Anderson

Thank yous go out to Nighteyes De Dracul who has been here since chapter one, AttackingHentaiChibisLoveFluff, who has now reviewed twice, LucrethiaDeNoche, I'll describe decorations in chapter four just for you! And Omega Z, I hope you like it and find new stuffs! Anything anybody thinks should be changed, or anything you want to happen in this, I can stick it in for you guys! You're the greatest!

Chapter 3

When Alucard and Seras returned home, Seras took the bags from Alucard.  
"I need to put these groceries and things away then get a good nights, er, days sleep so I can get this place cleaned up and decorated." Alucard said nothing, merely started for the basement, his sanctuary.  
"You should get rested up too." Seras said brightly. "You're going to help me." Alucard froze. Seras laughed lightly as Alucard turned to peer at her through the corner of his eye.  
"I don't do that sort of thing, Police Girl." He told her, waving a hand and continuing on his way.  
"You do now." Seras said, giggling and grabbing hold of her master's coat. "Once this place is cleaned up it'll be fun to decorate. I want you and Walter to help. And maybe Sir Integra as well." Alucard sighed. Pulling away from her he left her standing with the bags all around her.

Over the next few days Seras cleaned the mansion, readying it for decorations. Walter had offered freely to help but Alucard just laughed at her.  
"You missed a spot." He told her as she cleaned the dining hall. He stood and walked over to her.  
"Right here." He said, placing a finger on the table.  
"You could help ya know." Seras said quite annoyed. Alucard just laughed at her and went to his seat at the head of the table. Integra's seat, Seras realized as she scrubbed the table where Alucard's finger had been. He gave her a thumbs-up and his usual psychotic grin. He was about to prop his feet up on the table but at the death glare he received from Seras he thought better of it and simply rested his head on his hand with his elbow on the chair's armrest.  
"Miss Victoria, the main hall has been thoroughly cleaned." Walter said, walking in. "Thank you Walter. At least you are kind enough to help me." Seras said pointedly. Alucard chuckled.  
"I told you Police Girl. I destroy things. Not clean them up." Seras rolled her eyes and finished scrubbing the table.  
"Well, this is done too. That means that the only thing left is to decorate." Alucard shifted and Seras gave him an evil look. He just grinned and waved.  
"You're going to help this time." Seras told him. Alucard's grin slowly slipped off his face and his hand went down. He sat forward and laced his fingers together, resting his elbows on the table.  
"Police Gir-" He started.  
"Oh no, you're not getting out of this one. I need you to help. You and Walter and Integra and I are all going to decorate together." At that moment Integra entered the dining hall.  
"We have a situation." She said placing a stack of papers in front of Seras.  
"What's this?" Seras asked.  
"It's your assignment." Integra told her. "You and Alucard are to go rid England of a vampire who has done nothing but murder. Normally I would just send you, Seras, but Alexander Anderson has received this assignment as well and I don't want him getting in the way."  
"That's where I come in?" Alucard asked with interest.  
"Yes." Integra said. "This vampire was last seen in Ipswich a few days ago. Anderson was seen ten miles Northeast of there last week." Seras gathered up the papers and she and Alucard left the room to get ready for their little hunt. Walter was about to follow the two vampires when Integra stopped him.  
"Walter. You have been a hard worker for the Hellsing organization. Therefore, I give you a bonus and I have arranged a trip for you to Hawaii."  
"Sir?" Walter started.  
"You will be leaving the end of this week and you will be gone for a week so you'll be back here in time for Seras' little Christmas party."  
"Very well sir. I shall be sure you have everything you need before I leave." With that Walter left the room. Integra ran her eyes over the room in silent inspection before following her retainer out.

The night was dark. The sounds of insects drifted along with the breeze. No other sound was heard. Two figures could be seen walking along the alleyway. One was tall; a hint of red could be seen as he moved in and out of the moon's beams. The other was average height, her orange hair and red eyes noticeable only in the light made by headlights of cars as they went by. Their footsteps could not be heard, their movements silent as the grave. The sound of a can being kicked came from the alley ahead of them and to the left. As one they stopped. The tall one pulling out a pair of hand guns, one silver, one black. The other reached for the rifle strapped to her back. They waited. When no other sounds came, the one in red motioned his partner forward to investigate. The woman had not made it to the alley when an explosion of sound came. Yells were heard as well as a strange growling sound. One voice screaming about vampires being abominations of God, the other snarling about priests who stick their noses where they don't belong. Immediately the pair sprang forward and around the corner.

Alexander Anderson fought fiercely against the vampire, his swords nothing but slashing blurs. The vampire, his prey, blocking every strike he made. Around them Hyenas snapped and growled, called by the vampire's mind. One lunged for Alexander's leg but he kicked it aside. He struck out with his left hand; his sword aimed at the vampire's gut. With his right hand he twisted his blade for a clean cut across the neck. The vampire leapt, avoiding the first blade and kicking the other away. As he came down he raked his claws down Alexander's face. The priest drew back, shifting his weight, and lunged, catching the vampire across the side. Both backed away from each other, the hyenas slunk by their master, snarling at their enemy. The gashes on Alexander's face closed slowly and he grinned at the vampire who was watching as blood dripped from his own side. Alexander grinned then shot forward in an attempt to catch the vampire off-guard. The vampire looked up in time and crouched, readying himself for a counter. Alexander thrust both swords forward and the vampire jumped. In one instant, shots were heard and the vampire was reduced to ash, the hyenas yelping as bullets shot through skin and lodged in bone. The next instant a boot was smashed into Alexander's face, crushing his nose and knocking loose teeth. Alexander fell back, blood running down his face. Standing before him was his ultimate nemesis, his rival's spawn not far off, returning a rifle to its place in the strap on her back.  
"You should stop playing with your prey, Catholic." Alucard said, a sneer in his voice. Before he could respond, the two had vanished. Alexander sat fuming as his broken nose healed and his teeth went back into place.

A few hours later Alucard sat in his master's office watching with little interest as snow whirled around the window.  
"So the vampire is destroyed, correct?" Integra asked.  
"Yes." Alucard responded.  
"And Anderson gave you no trouble?"  
"None whatsoever. Although I would have enjoyed staying awhile to torment him on his failure." Alucard said thoughtfully.  
"But you didn't." Integra said.  
"I did not." Alucard confirmed.  
"Good. Then you may leave." Alucard hesitated before dissolving through the chair and floor. He stopped when his head was still above floor-level.  
"We have a visitor." He said. Integra turned to him.  
"Who?" She demanded. Alucard grinned at her.  
"Anderson." With that he continued through the floor.

Integra entered the main hall in time to see Alexander and Alucard glaring at each other. Alucard grinned psychotically as she entered.  
"Miss Hellsing I demand you tell your vampire to back down." Alexander growled at her.  
"And I demand to know what you are doing here, Anderson." Integra returned.  
"Your abomination interfered with my mission." Alexander gave a death look to Alucard who took a step forward his maniac's grin turning to a hateful scowl. "Obviously your mission was too difficult for you." Integra said coolly.  
"How dare you? You mock Section 13 as well as me! I should teach you a lesson I think." Alexander slid a blade from its hidden sheath and advanced on Integra. He hadn't taken two steps before a blur of red knocked the sword from his hand and had him pinned to the wall.  
"You'll teach my master nothing." Alucard growled in his face.  
"Alucard." Integra called. "Release him." Alucard dropped Alexander to the floor and moved to stand by Integra.  
"Now, Anderson. I expect you to leave. Right now." Alexander glared at the two of them for a moment then headed to the door. When he opened it however, the force of the wind blew him violently back. He moved behind the door and tried in vain to shut it. Integra, trying to keep her balance in the wind and snow, motioned for Alucard. Between the two of them, Alexander and Alucard managed to close the heavy door against the shrieking wind. There was a short silence.  
"There is no way for anyone to go anywhere, it seems." Integra noted with disgust.

Author's notes: Ok, so I did a little research to see if there are any blizzards in England. Apparently, there are a LOT. Also, the town Ipswich is a real place, I looked at a map and thought it was a cool name so I used it. Thank you all again!


	4. Eggnog and Idiots

First, I want to thank everyone who has reviewed. You have become too numerous for me to list all of you (Unless you want me too ) and that makes me happy. I also want to thank everyone who has given me ideas for this. It helped me get back to work on it from a loooooong break. Second, I wrote the beginning of this chapter in a notebook, then proceeded to lose said notebook. I was going to wait to post it until I found the notebook so I could write it all the same, but then I thought that wouldn't be fair to you guys so I post it now with the promise that once I find my lost notebook I will revise this chapter with it's original beginning.

Integra looked Alexander up and down.  
"I'll have Walter prepare you a room." She said emotionlessly. Alucard growled and sank through the floor to the subbasement. Alexander chuckled to himself. The death glance from Integra only made him laugh harder. He moved past her to the door to the main hall. As he passed her his arm brushed against hers. Integra stiffened, her hand going to the gun concealed in her coat. She waited until she heard the latch of the door behind her to relax a bit. Drawing a breath to calm herself, she turned around and headed after Alexander. As she came through the door, she saw Alexander in the center of the room looking around.  
"This way." She ordered and headed up a staircase and through a hall. Alexander followed behind. Integra tried to ignore his presence but he was pretty much walking on her heals making that an impossibility. She came to the door of Walter's study and knocked, then let herself in. Walter was sitting at his desk typing but he turned as the two came in.  
"What can I do for you?" Walter asked.  
"We need an extra room prepared for the night." Integra told him.  
"And who is the-Oh." Walter paused as he noticed Alexander still in the doorway. He gave a questioning look to Integra.  
"Show him his room." She ordered coldly. She wanted him as far from her as possible. "Right away." Walter replied. He stood and walked over to Alexander.  
"If you would follow me." He said. He turned and bowed to Integra before heading down the hall. Alexander gave a mock bow before following Walter out of the room. Integra, being exceedingly unhappy about their guest, decided it was time for a smoke and went to her own office.

Seras was in her room when she noticed the strong emotion emanating from her master. She decided to see what was making him so mad and see if she could help in any way. Concentrating on his energy, she followed it until she was on the same floor he was. She became more and more confused as she neared the kitchen. She stopped right at the door and when her curiosity grew to be irresistible, she opened the door. At first she could see nothing, for the light was off. She yelped when there came a crash and curse from the refrigerator in the corner. Looking around quickly she saw Alucard sitting in front of the open refrigerator, three or four empty eggnog cartons were scattered around him and another was in his hand. He glared at her.  
"Master, what in hell are you doing!" She yelled.  
"I could ask you the same thing." Alucard muttered angrily. Seras glared at him, at a loss for what to say. Clearly she was unhappy that the eggnog she had bought for everyone had ended up in just one person. Alucard merely watched her with a sour look. This infuriated her further. Finally she whirled around and stomped out, slamming the door behind her. Alucard looked at the carton in his hands and sighed.

Seras stalked through the castle cursing Alucard for his selfishness. She was too busy fuming and thinking of ways to get back at him that she didn't even see where she was headed. She turned the corner and ran straight into someone. She started to mutter an apology when she got a whiff of just who she had run into. Her head snapped up. Glaring down at her like he was out for blood was none other than Alexander Anderson. Seras' mouth dropped.  
"Wha-what are you doing here?" She stuttered.  
"What do you think I'm doing here?" Alexander snapped. "I'm here to get compensation from the mission you and that other unholy monster screwed up with." Seras looked at him doubtfully. She remembered something she had heard from her grandfather. Something about being nice to your enemies or something like that. She studied Alexander for a moment.  
"Would you like to help us decorate for Christmas?" She asked him. Alexander was taken aback.  
"What the hell do you think you're doing celebrating Christmas you hellspawn!" He roared. With that he turned and stalked away leaving Seras standing now quite angry with him as well as Alucard.

((Alexander growled as he wandered the halls towards the kitchen. Just being in the same building as that unholy abomination made his stomach churn. And he couldn't very well fight, because he was trapped in the mansion because of the stupid snow!And now that filthy demon-witch was trying to get him to help decorate! Hah! That was going to happen! He was going to have no part of the vampire's black sabbath.  
AND THIS MANSION WAS TOO FRICKIN' BIG!  
Ah, finally. The kitchen. He really needed some water or perhaps tea or maybe-  
All thought ended when he saw the vampire sitting at the kitchen counter on a stool. He was sloshing a drink around in his glass lazily, but froze when Alexander entered.  
"...Hell demon."  
"...Judas Priest."  
Alexander searched for a cup to make a glass of water as he continued to shoot insults, "Abomination of Hellsing."  
"Catholic lapdog."  
"You're one to talk, vampire."  
They were silent for a moment. Then Alucard grudgingly produced a glass, and for lack of anything better to do, poured some eggnog into it,  
"Here."  
"...I'm not accepting anything from you vampire."  
"Fine, more for me."  
"...Give me that."

Several hours later, Seras was humming a merry tune as she bounced about, decorating, smiling, and generally spreading Christmas joy. As she neared the kitchen though, she heard something that completely baffled her. Laughter?  
"I'm not kidding!"  
"HAHAHAHAHA! That's rich!"  
"I'm telling you, Enrico has a drawer full of love letters to Hellsing in his desk. I've seen them!"  
"Pffthahahahaha!"  
"Hehehehehe...Alright, you're turn."  
"Hm... Oh, oh I got one! Guess, who,hehehehe, Integra's first date was with."  
"Oh this is good. Who was it?"  
"Hehehehe, WALTER HAHAHAHAHA!"  
"OH THAT'S GREAT! THE IRON VIRGIN WENT OUT WITH THE ANGEL OF DEATH! Isn't it a crime to date when the age difference is more than... I don't know, thirty years?"  
"I know, I know. Ok, you."  
"Alright, do you want to know why I don't confess to Maxwell anymore?"  
"Why?"  
"Cause I don't want to be alone with him!"  
"HAHAHAH! So he swings both ways?"  
"I don't know, but I have my suspiciousness..."  
"Hehehe, don't you mean suspicions?"  
"What?"  
"...AHAHAHAHA!"  
"HAHAHAHAHA!  
Seras peeked her head in the door, and almost freaked out at what she saw.  
Both of their faces were hued red. They were smiling dumbly, and were quite unstable. Alexander wore Alucard's hat, red coat, and sunglasses, while Alucard wore Alexander's white coat and glasses. They were leaned against each other, arms around each other's shoulders.  
"Hey Anderson, how come you never run out of swords?"  
"Uh, some crap about my coat being the portal to another dimension."  
"A dimension that just so happens to be filled with identical blessed silver swords?"  
"Hehehehe... I guess so... How come you never run out of bullets?"  
"I do run out of bullets?"  
"That's not what I.."  
"Yes that's what you.."  
"No, no, I said...  
"Um, master?"  
"Anderson! Let's not fight anymore. Let's be friends!"  
"Friends! MORE EGGNOG!"  
"EGGNOG!"  
"EGGNOG!"  
Seras looked around, and gaped, "MASTER YOU'VE DRANK ELEVEN CARTONS OF EGGNOGG!"  
"EGGNOG!"  
"EGGNOG!"  
"NO YOU DRUNK IDIOTS!"  
Alexander stood up, then sat back down.  
"Police Girl! Did you buy more eggnog?"  
"EGGNOG!"  
"What do you think you're doing?"  
Suddenly Alucard flung himself on Alexander, wrapping his arms around his neck, "Police girl, I love this man. I love him. I hug him."  
Alucard tightened his arms for a second.  
"I kiss him."  
He kissed Alexander on top of the head.  
"I pat his head."  
He patted the paladin's head.  
"I'm falling off now."  
And with that, Alucard slid to the floor.  
"HAHAHAHA! YOU CRAZY DEMON FROM HELL!"  
"Hehehehe... I poke badgers with spoons!"  
Alucard stood back up, and walked over to Seras, "It's time you learn to be a true Noz, Nes, Noster, Nofesatu. Ok, first drink your blood."  
"And eggnog!"  
"And eggnog. Second, do as I say. And third, NEVER. EVER."  
And with that, Alucard passed out.))  
Seras shrieked as Alucard fell on top of her. She took multiple steps backwards causing him to fall to the floor. She turned and bolted out the door, slamming it behind her. Alexander just couldn't stop laughing.

Seras ran through the mansion searching for Walter. She ran into his office to see him sitting at his desk as usual.  
"Walter! Oh thank heavens! Something is completely wrong!" She took a moment to catch her breath. Walter just stared at her for a minute.  
"Maybe you should calm down a bit." He suggested. "I could get you some tea."  
"No." Seras said quickly. "They're in the kitchen."  
"Who?" Walter asked.  
"Anderson and Alucard." Seras said taking a deep breath.  
"Oh dear." Walter said quietly. "I suppose we should make sure they're not killing each other."  
"It's worse than that, Walter." Walter looked at her questioningly. "They're GETTING ALONG!" She quickly explained what had occurred in the kitchen.  
"So now I need your help getting them to their rooms." She finished up saying. Walter nodded.  
"This is rather strange." He admitted.  
"IT'S FREAKING SCARY!" Seras yelled. With that she grabbed him they headed back to the kitchen.

Walter opened the door to the kitchen, Seras peaking around behind him. All was silent. They stepped in and looked around. Alucard was right where Seras had left him on the floor, the glass he had been drinking from lay shattered next to him. Alexander was by the refrigerator where he had apparently decided to refill his own glass before falling over and hitting his head on the fridge's door. A carton of eggnog lay by his foot, it's content oozing across the tile floor.  
"Oh dear." Walter muttered noticing the fact that the vampire and priest had switched clothing. He also took note of how long it would take to clean up the mess the pair had made. The floor was littered with broken glasses and empty cartons. The counter looked like someone had emptied a bottle of chocolate syrup on it then tried to draw pictures in it. Evidence of this lay on one of the stools: more syrup and the bottle. One of the cabinets had been opened and rummaged through, spilling seasonings and sprinkles all over the place. Walter shook his head.  
"Let's get these two back to their rooms so I can get this cleaned up." He said. Seras nodded. She was kneeling next to Alexander and poking him.  
"He's scary." She said. "If he were awake right now I'd be dead. Well, more dead…" "You worry about Alucard." Walter suggested. "That way if Anderson wakes up before I get him to his room he'll see just me and then wont feel quite as inclined to kill me as he would you." Seras nodded at this reasoning and stood. She walked over to Alucard. "I'll help you clean up." She told Walter before attempting to pick Alucard off the floor. "This is very awkward." She said. She had her arms wrapped around his chest and the rest of him dragging on the floor.  
"That's going to hurt going down the stairs." Walter mused, he had pulled Alexander up and had the priest's arm over his shoulder.  
"You think I care?" Seras asked as she dragged the other vampire through the doorway. Walter chuckled.

A few hours later Seras and Walter had managed to put the two eggnog-addicts to bed and had just finished cleaning up the mess in the kitchen.  
"Well that was somewhat exciting." Walter said. Seras sighed.  
"I suppose we could call it that." The door opened and Integra walked in. Walter and Seras straightened.  
"Walter. Have you packed for your trip yet?" Integra asked. Seras gave Walter a questioning look.  
"I have not yet." Walter said.  
"You should go do that then. A car will be out front in two hours to take you to the airport." Walter nodded and exited the room.  
"Where is he going?" Seras asked.  
"I've arranged a vacation for Walter in Hawaii." Integra told her. Seras gasped.  
"Oh that sounds wonderful!" She exclaimed.  
"I thought so too. Walter's been with us for a long time. I figured he could use a vacation." Seras nodded, then a thought occurred to her.  
"What about Christmas?" She asked. Integra looked at her for a moment.  
"He'll be gone only for a week. He will be back in time for your little fiasco." Seras smiled happily.  
"I should go wish him farewell." She decided suddenly. She bowed to Integra then hurried out the door. Integra got herself a glass of water and went back to her work.

Author's note: Everything between ((these)) markers is not of my own creation. It was donated to me from Professor Curly who answered my call for ideas. Everyone else who gave me ideas, I will probably use them in later chapters. Also, I promised LucrethiaDeNoche that I would describe decorations in this chapter. Needless to say I forgot all about that till just now…I WILL PUT THEM IN I PROMISE! It'll be the first thing I put in chapter five. Right before Walter leaves cuz he has to help decorate too ;) Hopefully the next chapter wont take long for me to post. I apologize again for the length of time it took me for this one. I hope you enjoyed!


	5. The Perfect Gift ?

Standard Disclaimer: I don't own Hellsing. But the eggnog is mine. Sees Alucard clutching eggnog carton And apparently wherever the eggnog goes, Alucard goes. Shrugs

Chapter 5

Walter was packed and ready to go within one hour. He had tried to hurry for he knew Seras wanted him to help decorate. She had wanted everyone to help, but Alucard was a little..unavailable.. at the moment. Walter went down to the subbasement and made his way to Seras' room. When he reached her room he knocked softly.

"Come in." Came Seras' reply. Walter opened the door and stepped in.

"Would you like some help decorating?" He asked her. Seras had already decorated a little, but she had said it wasn't nearly done. When Walter asked this, she jumped from her bed excitedly.

"I would." She said happily. "We just have to get Sir Integra and Master-" She stopped. "Oh, yeah." She mumbled sadly.

"Don't worry. Sir Integra and I will help and it will be fun. You can get Alucard to help you finish it when he wakes up." Seras thought on this for a moment.

"Okay." She said brightly. She smiled and took Walter's hand. "Let's go get Sir Integra." She said happily.

Integra sat at her desk, a cigar in her hand. All of her paperwork was done. Now she had to find something else to waste away the hours. She was just thinking of going out for awhile when a knock came at her door.

"Enter." She said. Walter opened the door for Seras then let himself in.

"What do you want?" Integra asked, not liking the grin on Seras' face or the slight smile on Walter's.

"Sir Integra," Seras began. "I would like you to help us decorate for Christmas. I wanted everyone to help but Master isn't for it right now." Integra raised her eyebrow. She knew Alucard would never agree to help decorate, but the way Seras said it Integra had to wonder what her insane servant had gotten into. She refrained from asking, deciding she probably didn't want to know, and sighed.

"I've got nothing better to do." She said. Seras' eyes grew large with surprise and joy. "I didn't think you would agree so easily!" She exclaimed. "I had this whole little speech thought out and everything." She explained.

"Let's not hear it." Integra said, standing. They left the room and headed to the main hall, which had been mostly decorated.

Deep in the darkest corner of the darkest room in the subbasement, Alucard awoke from a deep slumber. He had not recalled falling asleep, or even being in the subbasement to begin with. Last he knew, he was in the kitchen drinking up all of the Police Girl's eggnog. Everything past that point was a blur. He stood slowly, his head a little dizzy though he was not sure why. He smoothed out his rumpled clothes; his shirt, his coat, he adjusted the cross necklace… Cross necklace? He noticed his glasses were no longer orange-tinted. Wondering if his mind was playing tricks on him, he decided to investigate this in Sir Integra's office mirror.

Meanwhile, in the east wing of the mansion, Alexander Anderson also awoke. He yawned wide, wondering what it was that had caused him to sleep so late. He looked at the clock. 9:00 in the morning. Usually he was awake by 6. He scratched his head and stood. Feeling a little queasy he sat down again, wincing as the sound of broken glass came from under him. He had sat on his glasses. He stood, careful not to fall back again, and turned to inspect his glasses. Confusion filled him as he saw orange-ish red lenses instead of clear ones. He looked about and noticed a wide-brimmed red hat that had fallen to the floor in his slumber. He knew that hat…

At the same time as Anderson moved to look in the mirror, Alucard had dashed in front of Integra's mirror. They both peered in at their reflections, horror struck by what they saw.

The decorating was going extremely well. Already the main hall was thoroughly decorated; a large fake spruce tree sat in the very center. Brightly colored lights reflected off of the gold and silver orbs hanging from the branches. Tinsel was draped in all colors over the dark-green plastic needles. Along the wall hung wreaths also decorated with tinsel and lights. Red and green ribbon was hung along the walls above the wreaths and every surface held a lit candle. Mistletoe was strung up in various places and with the overhead lights turned off the entire room glowed.

Seras looked around the room and breathed in a sigh of contentment, awe and joy from having the room so beautifully decorated. She gathered up the remaining decorations in the room and turned to Integra and Walter.

"Shall we go on to the next room?" She asked cheerfully. She turned but as she was about to turn the knob of the door, two earsplitting shrieks could be heard, one from the east wing, the other from Integra's own office.

"What the hell is that?" Integra demanded. Seras and Walter looked at each other.

"They're awake." They said in unison.

"Who's awake?" Integra asked, but was ignored as the other two set down the decorations they were holding and Seras started toward Integra's office and Walter heading toward the east wing.

"Oh no you don't." Integra said angrily, dropping a fake pine tree to the floor. She hurried after Walter and grabbed him, swinging him around to face her. "I demand to know what is going on." She hissed angrily. Walter sighed, then motioned her to follow him as he explained the events of the night before.

"Oh, hell." Integra said as she and Walter approached Alexander's room. Walter was just about to open the door when it burst open and out came a disgruntled looking Alexander Anderson. He stopped short when he saw Integra.

"I want to know exactly what the hell your _pet_ did!" He screamed at her, showing off the red coat that still hung from him. His face very nearly matched it. Integra stood coolly, her arms crossed over her chest.

"And I'd like to know precisely what you did with my 'pet'." She replied. "I've never heard of Alucard acting that way before. You must have done something."

"I did nothing!" Alexander screeched, thoroughly insulted. Walter took this time to break in.

"Why don't you simply remove the coat and I'll take it and the hat back and get your things for you." Alexander glared at him and slipped the coat from his shoulders. He threw it at Walter who took it, slipped past Alexander, reclaimed the hat and broken glasses and promptly left. "I will leave you to compose yourself and make sure Walter returns your things to you." Integra said. In truth, she wanted to go find her little pet and laugh at him.

Seras had gotten to Integra's office but had paused when thinking exactly how upset Alucard must be. She really didn't want to be the one to try to explain to him what happened. She opened the door slowly and peered around. Slumped against Integra's desk, his head on resting on his arms, was Alucard. She wondered just how much of a shock it must have been. He wasn't moving.

"M-Master?" She called tentatively. No response. She entered the room and closed the door. The mirror that had been sitting on Integra's desk was shattered on the cold stone floor under Alucard's foot. She walked slowly over to him and tapped his shoulder. Alucard shivered slightly and leaned back, looking at her.

"Police-girl. Why am I-" He held up his hand, showing her the gloves that should be on Paladin Anderson's hand.

"Well, uh, that's a little hard to explain." Seras said. Alucard looked at her blankly.

"H-Help…me…" He groaned. Seras stared at him for a moment.

"A change of clothes won't kill you, Master."

"It will!" Alucard jumped up and grabbed her. "It _will _kill me, Police-girl! Don't you realize whose clothes these are?"

"So take them off." Seras replied, giving him that you-are-more-pathetic-than-even-me look. Alucard stopped. He let go of her slowly, then ever so slowly removed the coat and gloves. He looked at his hands in wonder.

"I'M FREE!!!" With that he disappeared through the floor. Seras sighed and picked up the gloves and coat from the floor, then took the glasses from off of the desk.

A half of an hour later, Alexander's clothes and Alucard's clothes had been given to their rightful owners and neither one of them could be seen anywhere.

"Well, Walter. I guess it's time for your vacation." Seras said cheerfully. She and Integra were in the now decorated main hall with Walter and his suitcases.

"I suppose it is." Walter said with a smile. He turned to Integra. "I've made sure everything is in order for you." Then turned to Seras. "I've left instructions for you since you volunteered to take care of things for me." Seras nodded.

"Have a great vacation." She said, shyly giving Walter a quick hug.

"And do take care of yourself." Integra put in. "I'd hate to have to find a new retainer as competent as you." Walter nodded, then gathered up his suitcases and waved a quick good-bye before pushing out the door. A crew had come along earlier that day to clear away the snow. Now Integra just had to kick Alexander out and the mansion would be quite again. Well, as quite as it ever got anyway…

After Walter left, Seras decided it was time to do a little Christmas present shopping. She waited until the sun had gone down for the most part, then took her remaining money and went back to the stores that she and Alucard had visited a few days ago. She didn't know what she was going to get anyone, but maybe she would see something that would jump out at her while she was walking. In the large grocery store, she looked through watches, radios, and kitchen supplies, then suddenly found herself in the pet department. She wondered how she had gotten there, then grinned amusedly as she saw a red collar and leash set. Oh the fun Integra could have with that. And it might be just what she needed to get even with Alucard for drinking all of the eggnog. She slipped it into her cart, then went on her way. A few stores later, she had found gifts for just about everyone. As she was leaving the last store she stopped. Something had caught her eye and she decided she would get it. The collar and leash was now just a gag gift, she had just found the perfect gift for her master.


	6. Who Wants More Eggnog!

Chapter 6

Seras walked back to her room. She and Walter and Integra had completely decorated the main hall and front room before Walter had had to go. She hoped he would have fun and relax on his trip to Hawaii. Now all she had to do was get Alucard to help finish decorating. And maybe Alexander Anderson would help, if she asked nicely enough, and if he'd had too much eggnog to drink beforehand… Seras still couldn't figure out why eggnog had such an affect on her master and on Alexander. She shrugged it off, worn from the excitement of the night.

The next evening, Seras awoke and stood from her bed/coffin/thing. She had gotten herself a calendar while she and Alucard were out and had been marking off the days until Christmas. It was now December 10th, two more weeks until Christmas Eve. She thought happily about the fun she'd had with Integra and Walter while they were decorating. Although, Integra seemed to have been indifferent, Seras hoped the master of Hellsing had had fun. Now it was time to find Alucard. She also hoped that he had gotten over the mishap in the kitchen and had come out of the bathroom in the basement where he had been hiding. Last time she saw him he was hiding in the bathtub with the curtain closed and refused to come out when Seras called him. She had tried everything to get him to come out, blood packets, eggnog which had turned out to be a BIG mistake, Walter had designed a new gun for her to use as bait, and she had even given up a bit more of her humanity and taken a small, live rabbit to him. All of these had been turned away, though she was somewhat happy the rabbit hadn't worked. She approached the door to the room and knocked softly. There was no response.

"Master, I'm coming in," She said. Still nothing. She turned the knob and opened the door. The room looked normal, and empty. Seras moved the curtain for the tub. No one. She thought for a moment, then decided to check his private chamber.

As she approached his rooms, she could feel his vampiric aura and sighed with relief. He had gotten over it after all. She stopped when she reached the door, and knocked. _What do you want, Police-Girl?_ Came a response in her head. _You know what I want,_ she replied in a teasing tone, knowing he could read her thoughts. She entered the room. "I'm not participating in your holiday." Alucard told her before she could open her mouth. She stopped for a moment. "Would you please, Master, it wouldn't mean anything if you didn't help." She snickered inside for this idea, putting on the most puppy-dogish face she could muster. Alucard was unconvinced. "If you don't help willingly, I can get Sir Integra to order you to." Seras said with a smirk. Alucard raised his eyebrow. "I'd like to see that happen. "Ooh!" Seras fumed. "You're going to wish you didn't say that!" She turned and stormed out, pretending she didn't notice Alucard's voice trailing after her; "You shouldn't give threats to your superiors,"

What Alucard didn't expect, was that Integra was more than happy to order him to help with the decorating. After hearing about his and Anderson's 'confrontation' in the kitchen, she was taking every chance she could to rub it in his face. How cruel she could be sometimes… And so, Alucard stood, quite annoyed, holding up some garland while Seras stood on a ladder above him and taped it to the wall. Integra was nearby, arranging miniature wreaths on one of the tables against the wall. She smirked at him as she put a candle in the middle. "After we're done, we should take a break and enjoy some of that eggnog you bought, Seras." She said with a slight laugh. Seras, too preoccupied with getting the garland straight, didn't notice the joke and instead said, "That sounds like a great idea!" very cheerfully until she climbed down from the ladder and saw Alucard gritting his teeth. "Hehe, well, I'm sure there's a blood packet in the fridge also," She said, a little nervously, and ducked away from Alucard to stand next to Integra.

At that point, Alexander, who had been contemplating leaving since the snow was no longer a problem, walked into the room and froze. Such a comical sight was in front of him; Alucard, sulking while holding a clump of garland, Integra smirking, and Seras, hiding from Alucard behind Integra. He had to laugh. Then he noticed the wreath Integra had been fiddling with. "What's this? You're not even doing it right!" He stalked over to her and pointed. Seras thought it looked cute, the green-and-red wreath surrounding a candle. "I didn't realize there was a right or wrong way of decorating my own house." Integra said. "Of course there is!" His thick accent and cocky tone were really starting to annoy Integra, but she stepped aside and let him inspect her work. Alexander took the scissors and walked over to Alucard. "If I may," He took the end of the garland and cut off a small piece, then went back to the candle and wrapped the garland around the bottom of the candle. Picking up the wreath, he stuck some tape to it and put it back around the candle at an angle, so that the bow of the wreath was at the base of the candle, and the back was halfway up the candlestick. "That's better," He said to himself, stepping back. Seras inspected the decoration. "That's really pretty!" She said, amazed that Alexander was capable of making anything look better. You definitely couldn't tell that from his appearance. "Now time for eggnog!" She said happily, ignoring the scathing looks she got from Alucard and Alexander. She skipped out the door. Integra looked at the two remaining. "Join us," She said. Alucard had no choice but to obey, so she looked at Alexander and smirked evilly. "I'm going to get some tea, but I'll not drink any more of that confounded beverage, I don't know what your little pets did to it, but I'll not put up with it again."

Seras was quite pleased to see that everyone had joined her in the kitchen, though Alucard and Alexander didn't look all too thrilled. She retrieved four glasses from the cupboard and pulled one of the few remaining cartons of eggnog out of the fridge, along with one of the many blood packets that were left for her and Alucard's use.

"And what would you like to drink, Father Anderson?" She asked politely. "I only want tea, and I'll get it myself. He took the glass from her and filled it with water from the sink, then went about locating the tea, sugar, and creamer. Seras shrugged and poured eggnog into two of the glasses. She distributed the glasses and the blood and took a seat. Alexander sat across from her a few minutes later with a steaming mug of tea.

"How many more decorations do you have, Seras?" Integra asked, sipping from her glass.

"Not that much more." Seras responded happily. "Only a little more garland, some mistletoe, and the star that goes on top of the tree." She grinned happily and drank some of her eggnog.

"You have mistletoe?" Alexander asked, bewildered. Why would anyone in the Hellsing mansion, particularly a vampire, want mistletoe? Unless she planned on biting whoever was under it with her. Alexander wouldn't put it past a vampire to pull some stupid trick like that.

"Yes, isn't it romantic?" She asked, completely blowing his theory away.

"Whatever you say." He said quietly, sipping his tea.

"Well, it's getting late, or early." Integra said, looking at the clock above the stove. "We should finish up tonight." With that, she picked up her glass and carried it out the door, not waiting to see who would follow. She already knew all three would come.

Back in the enormous living room of the mansion, Alexander spotted Integra's glass, abandoned as she fixed all of the candles with wreaths to look like the one he had done. Laughing silently to himself, he went over to it and pulled out a flask he carried with him. Alcohol was never something he particularly enjoyed, but sometimes he needed something after beating the undead snot out of vampires, so he carried a small flask with him. Now, he pulled it out and unscrewed the lid. Looking around to see Seras climbing onto another ladder with Alucard standing beside her with a piece of mistletoe, and Integra still tampering with candles, he poured some of the clear liquid into Integra's glass. Feeling the weight to determine how much was left, he proceeded to empty the flask and tuck it back into its hidden pocket. Now, even if the eggnog itself didn't have the same affect on her as it had on him, she would still end up pretty messed up after drinking it.

Seras looked down at Alucard as she secured the mistletoe to the ceiling. "Now, when putting up or taking down mistletoe, you ignore the rules that come with it hanging." She said. "What rules?" Alucard asked, bored with having to decorate and wanting _anything_ else to do. Even shining Alexander's shoes seemed like it would be more tolerable than dealing with all this. "You really are clueless, aren't you, Master?" And putting up with her constant chatter wasn't helping. "When two people get under mistletoe, the rule is that they have to kiss each other." "Why?" There didn't seem to be a point in anything Seras was doing or saying. Was Integra insane for allowing her to do all of this? "Because that's the rule." Seras said, exasperated. "But you don't have to worry about it now, because the rules don't apply when you're decorating." "Like I would want a kiss from you," Alucard said under his breath. This resulted in Seras' booted foot stepping on his face. "Humph! I'll save you the trouble of suffering through it." She said indignantly.

Not long after, the room looked perfect. Seras looked around, exceedingly pleased. Everyone had helped with the decorations, except Alexander who had only done the one candle. She was happy that he didn't leave like she thought he would, but she really couldn't figure out why. She turned to hear a soft thump behind her. Integra was sitting on the floor rubbing her bum and grinning. Seras had noticed that the leader of Hellsing was becoming more relaxed than usual, but there was definitely something more going on. She saw Alexander in the corner suppressing a laugh and instantly knew he had something to do with it. She went over to stand beside Alucard who was giving Integra a puzzled look. "Help me up," Integra said, holding her hand out. Alucard silently took it and lifted her off the floor. Integra giggled, something Seras had never dreamed Integra could do. Integra lifted her nearly empty glass of eggnog and drank the rest of the liquid before handing the glass to Alucard. "Go wash this for me," She said with a grin. With that, she began walking out of the room. Alucard looked questioningly at Seras. "Do I want to know?" He asked. Seras didn't want to take the risk of reminding him what had happened when he and Alexander had both drunk eggnog, so she just shrugged. From the corner of the room, Alexander laughed. "You might want to take the little Hellsing to bed, she's not looking too good." "Did you have anything to do with this?" Seras asked suspiciously. Alexander shrugged innocently, but grinned, then began walking out of the room. Alucard was about to smash the glass into the back of the paladin's head and demand an explanation when he heard Integra shriek. Seras turned around to see a horrified expression on Alexander's face. She couldn't figure out the cause of this until Alucard burst out in his maniacal laughter and pointed to the ceiling above their heads. It was then that she remembered and saw the mistletoe she and Alucard had put there when they first started hanging the flowers. Integra pushed Alexander out of the doorway and glared at him. Alexander was all too happy to get out from under the mistletoe. "It's all right," Seras started. "We can pretend that didn't happen." "No," Alucard said, still chuckling. "You said that the rules don't apply when you're hanging it up, but we're done with that." Clearly he wanted to have an excuse to pick on Integra as much as she wouldn't let the eggnog incident go. "But we don't have to-" Seras started, but shut her mouth when Alucard turned to glare at her. Alexander was shaking his head. "There's no way I'm doin' anything like that, so just get it outta your head." "It's the rules." Alucard said simply. "It is the rules," Integra said glumly. "And so long as we are in my house we will follow the rules, all rules, regardless." "Master, you don't have to-" Seras started again. Integra was too busy glaring at Alexander. "Get over here and let's get this over with." She said, a little slurred. "No," Alexander said simply. "Oh don't make me," Integra said menacingly, but Alexander was ignoring her. She stomped over to him and slapped him across the face. Before the paladin had time to recover, Integra had pecked his lips and was walking out of the room. Alucard was laughing, though the event hadn't been as funny as he had expected, and he was silenced rather quickly by one of Alexander's blades, embedded in his windpipe. He pulled it out, but the priest was already gone.

Author's Notes:

What did I tell you? The first day back at college and, after a quick editing I have an update! The nutmeg in eggnog can make people go a little loopy, there's also the sugar. Why did Alexander and Alucard react that way? Beats me, but it was fun! The end draws near, with only four chapters to go. I feel like this thing is not as funny as I had hoped, but it's said that authors or artists are the worst critics for their own work. Hopefully you guys enjoy the rest as much as you seem to enjoy the first half.

Selene08, I'm glad you find this story worth waiting on, and I apologize for such long waits. Also, Why send Walter away? You'll see, I promise. Why to Hawaii? Why not? Actually, my friends and I roleplay Hellsing, as well as other shows, books, movies, what have you, and my brother usually plays Walter. So, I asked him, and he decided on Hawaii.

Holix, I will look up Ipswich and see what I can find. It does sound very familiar.

Flowerpuff, I'm glad you are so amused and I hope to update faster than I have previously, unfortunately, I can make no promises.

JUANIS, … I'm gonna try to figure out what you said. :)

Thank you all for your reviews, and I will hopefully have chapter seven up relatively quickly! Goes to work on chapter seven when a knock comes at the door, 'Now, who could that be?' Meanders to the door to find Alucard and Alexander (sweatdrop) 'now, calm down, it's all jokes, right? And anyway, Mr. Anderson, we share the same last name! You could be killing a relative!' ...

Does the author live through this terrifying encounter? Find out next time!!!


	7. Chapter 7

Hey, I apologize for such a long absence between chapters, I have plenty of reasons that all sound like excuses, but let me assure you that they are good reasons

Hey, I apologize for such a long absence between chapters, I have plenty of reasons that all sound like excuses, but let me assure you that they are good reasons. One of them being I recently got flooded with ideas for one of the books I'm writing. Hopefully in a year or two (or a few years, seeing how slow I write…) I will have it published under the name Alexandra Wolf (unless by the time it's ready to be published, there is already an author listed under that name, then I'll have to think of something else). Another reason is that, to me, the Hellsing Holidays is just not as funny as I want it to be and I'm striving to make it funnier at the expense of more days passing without posting a new chapter. Maybe it's not being fair to you guys to make you wait, but I assure you, this chapter will be more interesting and hopefully more fun than the last few have been. Once the entire story is up, I may revise the whole thing at once. But I'll decide that when, and I do say 'when', I finish posting it.

Your (hopefully still) loveable author;

IntelligentApples


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